Originally published on Physician Family
When asked to reflect on intern year, I wasn’t quite sure what to say because it has gone by so fast. Briana doesn’t have something to say? Ha! Those who know me personally are probably laughing out loud!
My husband began his neurosurgery residency in July 2014 and as of July 2015 he is a PGY2. One down, six more to go! Wait. Who am I kidding? It is more like one down, seven more to go since he will likely be doing some sort of fellowship for a year post-residency. We will survive and better yet, we will thrive!
Heading into residency both those in the medical world and “civilians” would gasp and say “Good luck” (with apprehension in their voice) or “You know you’ll never see him, right?” My favorite came after I answered the infamous “What does your husband do?” question: “Oh wow! Why do you work, you are married to a doctor?” Naturally, I went into residency anxiously. Of course I did my best to hide it because I have always been the type of person who puts forth a stiff upper lip and an “it’s ok- I can handle it!” attitude, but truth be told, I was really nervous. I was a newlywed who was already scared about what residency would do to her marriage. That is not how you want to feel heading into the first year of your married life.
Was it difficult? Absolutely. Did I miss my husband? Heck yes- a lot! Did I have a meltdown… or five? I sure did. Did he miss our first married holidays? Yes he did- all of them. But, you know what else happened this year? I made new friends, I spent some quality time with my family, I advanced in my career, we bought our first house, I embraced “me time,” I experimented in the kitchen, we adopted a dog, we went on an anniversary vacation and so much more. Life didn’t stop. My world didn’t end.
And my marriage? Stronger every day. Why? We are in this together. My husband appreciates everything I do so that he can focus on being the best resident he can be and he knows that this is a team effort. We have had our share of arguments and I have gotten upset because there are times that I feel like “I do everything!” and I am just exhausted. I cannot imagine that there is a single spouse in the medical world or not who hasn’t had that thought run through their mind at least once. Women are multitaskers and we can do it!
This is our reality. We will likely handle more of the “running the household” kinds of duties in addition to our careers and/or parenting. I have found that my husband enjoys helping around the house (when he is conscious) and he tells me not to waste my time doing his laundry. However, if I didn’t do his laundry he wouldn’t have any underwear or socks to wear about 90 percent of the time. I don’t mind doing those things because I am helping him.
If I could offer any advice to those starting residency, it is ok to think about what life could be like after residency, but do your best to live and enjoy the now. As Kim Blackham, licensed marriage and family therapist and fellow medical spouse, has encouraged: live in #ItIsGoodNow not #ItGetsBetter. Because the reality is #ItGetsDifferent and “better” is what you make it. It is all about perspective.
It is good now! I am married to the best man I know and he loves me. It doesn’t get much better than that, does it?